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My promise to update this site more frequently sure paid off, didn't it? It's been over a month since the last edition. On the other hand, this update didn't take as long as the previous one so maybe I shouldn't be so critical.
If no news is good news then I'm thrilled to report a banner month in droolingidiots.com history! Excepting a small update to the links section, this place has been dead.
The Rocky Horror Picture Show is coming back to Ann Arbor this weekend. In particular, it will be returning to the State Theater on Friday, May 31st and Saturday, June 1st. I will be fulfilling my traditional role of entertaining the teeming throngs outside the theater, initiating virgins and yelling audience participation lines.
Come check it out.
May is National Masturbation Month. (At this juncture, you may offer jejune japes and pertinent postulation pertaining to probable reasons it's taken so long to publish a May edition of The Prime Says.)
We at DI.com like to spotlight worthy causes and, although this edition comes (huh huh) too late to foment participation in this year's festivities, you should consider this a heads up (both of them, huh huh) for May 2003. Besides, with any luck, you've been celebrating all month even if you weren't cognizant of the holiday.
National Masturbation Month was started in 1995 by Good Vibes, a sex store that caters primarily to female clientele. GV promotes masturbation because "it's safe, it's healthy, it's free, it's pleasurable and it helps people get to know their bodies and their sexual responses." It also helps sell vibrators, dildos, orifice simulacra and lubricants too. Carnality and capitalism - the driving force of the Internet.
Additionally, GV is taking the opportunity to put the "fun" back into "fundraising" by sponsoring the Masturbate-a-thon. A Masturbate-a-thon is much like a walk-a-thon, but you can do it at home (although not required) and you won't get sore feet (barring fairly unusual methods of manustupration). To participate, get a pledge form and ask your friends and family, neighbors and co-workers to pledge money for each minute you spend masturbating. The proceeds from this year's event go to women's health organizations.
Y'know, National Masturbation Month is cool and all but, if you ask me, they really need a theme song. Hmm....
May 13-20th was the 5th annual Hip-Hop Appreciation Week. It was started by KRS-ONE and the Temple Of Hip Hop in 1998 as an an attempt to decriminalize hip-hop's image and promote unity. The theme of this year's celebration was "gratitude." It's unfortunate that I can only give a post mortem synopsis rather than promoting its celebration. Perhaps I'll be more timely next year.
An appropriate celebration this year might have been to say thank you or show some form of appreciation to those to whom you are grateful, perhaps a parent, teacher, public servant or the webmaster of your favorite web site. The Temple of Hip-Hop web site offers a number of suggestions although you should apply your own creativity to the endeavor.
It's too early to tell if this event will have any lasting impact on hip-hop. Personally, I doubt it. As long as bitches, blunts, benjamins and bling bling brings in bucks, hip-hop culture will probably remain mired in its criminal image. On the other hand, events like this do highlight the fact that it doesn't have to be that way.
For the record, hip-hop is not rap. Hip-hop is the culture from which rap music was born. Rap is merely a component. Hip-hop started in the ghettos of New York City in the early 1970s. As defined these days, hip-hop culture has nine elements:
Sociologically speaking, I doubt these nine elements are sufficient to define a culture. Luckily, I'm not a social (so-called) scientist so I needn't concern myself with such things.
As an aspiring rapper, I'm grateful for hip-hop and its creation of rap music. In particular, I'm especially grateful for the words and music of BDP/KRS-ONE, Rakim, Public Enemy, NWA (as a whole and in parts), Digital Underground, Kool Moe Dee and Eminem. For my part, I expressed my gratitude to the hip-hop world by not making any music during HHA week, thereby not further sullying hip-hop's already tarnished good name.
If, after being apprised of these two fine events, you wish to make up for missing Hip-Hop Appreciation Week and National Masturbation Month, you can rub one out while reading DI.com.
I feel so dirty. No, it's not because I've been celebrating National Masturbation Month in a particularly obscene or outré manner. That sort of thing wouldn't faze me.
I feel dirty because I'm an uncompensated disseminator of propaganda for a multi-national corporation that sells over-priced products of dubious quality which are produced by under-paid, under-age workers in overseas sweatshops.
Still, I gotta give props where the props are due. Nike has been giving up the funk. Their latest ad campaign features new music and appearances by P-Funkers such as Bootsy Collins and George Clinton along with several other members of the funk mob.
Bootsy is practically this site's mascot. DI.com was launched on Bootsy's birthday and two items have made it into the cartoon gallery merely because they mentioned him. I may not like doing Nike's dirty work but, if they're going to feature Bootsy in their ad campaign, I've got to mention it. You can see Bootsy at the links below: (warning: your computer must be infected with Quicktime to view most of these)
In the interests of full disclosure, I must report that I've been a reasonably satisfied customer of Nike footwear in the past although I haven't purchased a pair of Nike shoes in at least 5 years. If you want to find out more about Nike and its mistreatment of under-paid, under-aged employees (and be entertained simultaneously), go to your local video store and rent Michael Moore's "The Big One."
Back in March, I had a few choice words to say about Kim Cattrall's book, "Satisfaction." As you may recall from my excoriating commentary, although I hadn't purchased or read the book, I was dubious about its merit. In the intervening time, I have purchased it and read it. My review follows.
"Satisfaction" was written by Kim Cattrall, a semi-famous actress, and her husband Mark Levinson, a non-famous jazz musician. Kim, although she often played the roles sexually assertive women, had an unsatisfying sex life until she met Mark three years ago. Mark claims to have been quite the lothario and, if Kim's pleasure is any measure, he's managed to pick up a few tricks along the way.
The book is 144 pages of large-font, double spaced text with numerous illustrations. Much of the text is expended on touchy-feely PC blather. Yes, communication is important. Yes, any technique will be more successful between two caring partners. Yes, the man must dedicate himself to the woman's pleasure to experience the "art of the female orgasm". Too much time is spent belaboring the obvious. Of course, if anything that I dismissed with a "yes" is news to you, perhaps you need to read the entire book carefully.
After 43 pages of introductory material, they finally get to writing about the good stuff ("The Clitoris", p. 44). The good stuff ends on page 137 meaning that there's about 94 pages of interesting content. From that 94 pages, thresh out more blather, pages dedicated to quotations from Kim and Mark and pages with decorative (ie, non-instructive) illustrations. I haven't performed a detailed enumeration, but let's say that there's 85 pages of worthwhile content. By worthwhile content, I mean the details of the techniques that a person can use to bring a female to multiple, mind-numbing, body-quaking orgasms.
In terms of quality, the 85 pages are pretty good. Much of it will be obvious to experienced practitioners of the sexual arts, but almost everyone will be able to find a few tricks to add to their repertoire or get some ideas on how to put the disparate pieces they've discovered on their own into a cohesive genital stimulation program. A few of the textual descriptions of various positions and techniques aren't as clear as they could be. I had to read through some paragraphs a few times in order to construct a mental picture of what part was being placed where and in relation to what other parts. The illustrations, when present, were helpful.
If we can agree that most people will learn something from the tips & tricks presented, the important question becomes "are they worth learning"? That's a difficult call to make. If you're learning the technique that pushes your partner over the edge into ebullient orgasmic bliss, it's incredibly worthwhile. If you're merely picking up a few tidbits to add variation to your scrog sessions then it's less valuable. Still, as the clichéd aphorism goes, "variety is the spice of life" and introducing new techniques of titillation can only be beneficial. In the worst case, you'll probably have fun trying out new things even if they aren't keepers.
If you find anecdotal evidence persuasive, I can report that the one and only woman I interviewed regarding the efficacy of the techniques presented said that one of the intercourse positions was "mighty fine" and some of the "rug munching stuff" was "pretty tasty."
Is it worth $25? Good question. On balance, I'd have to say yes. And, better yet, it's still common to find it discounted around %30. Amazon.com is currently selling it for $17.47. Read it by yourself or, better yet, read it with your partner. It makes fabulously fun foreplay.
If you're checking this site daily, as all good Drooling Idiots fans do, then you noticed that the links section was updated on May 13th. The primary reason for the update was to change all of the links to World Wrestling Federation web pages. The WWF, those grand purveyors of sports entertainment, have changed their name to WWE. They are getting the F out and shall be "World Wrestling Entertainment" henceforth. Name changes are nothing new for WWE nee WWF nee WWWF. It's just something that they seem to do every few years.
According to a WWFE press release, they're rebranding in order to shift their focus to entertainment. That's a smart move. Very few people tuned in to WWF programming each week to marvel its bravura display of federation. Still, it's an unusual (and costly) move to drop a world-recognized trademark of twenty years for a mere whim of refocusing.
Personally, I suspect that the law suit the (then) WWF lost to the World Wildlife Fund (then and now, the WWF) has more to do with it than any perceived benefits of focus-shifting. But what do I know? I don't write official press releases.
There we go. Another edition done and I managed to get through it without ranting about the new Star Wars movie.
Seeya later masturbator,
D.I. Prime
Friday, May 31th, 2002
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