The Prime Says...

Anniversary

Happy second anniversary to us. October 26th marked the second year that droolingidiots.com was open to the public and, in true droolingidiots.com fashion, it's taken me almost two months to get around to writing about it. Some things never change.

Looking back, it's been a slow year. Although five new songs were posted, four of them were for WOLV-TV shows ( "Basketball 2003", "Turn Me On", "Vociferous Viking", and "The Big Schtick") and one was for a cousin matriculating into manhood ("Roll With Joel"). In total, that only amounts to about 3 minutes of audio. Kind of lame, huh? In addition, I only wrote a measly five editions of The Prime Says. Geez, what was I doing all year? And who was I doing it to? And in what positions? And for how long? And how many times? Inquiring minds want to know!

Forget it. Even psaphonic internet rap semi-stars deserve a little bit of privacy. Inquiring minds can mind their own business. Or wait until I rap about it...

On the other hand, despite the relative lameness of this year's effort, we received 540 hits compared to about 430 last year. Underwhelming, yes, but at least it was an improvement. And that without a chart-topping single or video in heavy rotation on MTV!

In a bit of sad news, Drooling Idiots guitarist Michael Spaly had his "active" status revoked in August. The intrepid axe-slinger moved to Seattle to pursue other interests. His girlfriend, mainly. We're sorry to lose him but that's a straight up drooling idiot move if there ever was one. He's keeping it real and we respect that. We wish him luck with his relocationship.

In a bit of happy news, Drooling Idiots drummer Tubley graduated from the University Of Michigan a few days ago. Congratulations.

And, of course, droolingidiots.com anniversaries are synonymous with Bootsy Collins's birthdays:

Happy 52nd Birthday Bootsy!

Scorpio time has passed once again and, since I'm still typing, you may rest easily knowing that I've charged another year against my allotted total. Or not. That might not be the best scenario for D.I. fans. In a year of living I only managed to record 5 short songs and write 5 editions of The Prime Says. Tupac has been dead for 7 years and he just released a new album and a new movie. Perhaps I'd be more productive if I were dead too. Either way, I think I'm going to start letting my alter ego accumulate any further years so that I can remain youthful and immature forever.

About this time last year, I announced a bunch of artistic development resolutions with the intention of being able to report their successful completion by this time this year. Oops. I've learned my lesson. No more public resolutions.

Tis The Season

My mailbox overfloweth. Sure, there's probably a few more ads, circulars and catalogs than usual, but the main difference between December and every other month is the profusion of holiday greeting cards.

I'm not complaining. If you're one of the fine people who sent me a card this year, don't think that I'm ungrateful. Although sending holiday cards isn't my thing, I appreciate that people take the time and exert effort to do it. Still, some cards are better than others and in my spare time, when I'm procrastinating from studio work, I've developed a system for scoring the holiday cards I receive.

This year's high score is 30. That's not great, but it's closer to a perfect 100 than it is to a perfectly imperfect -60.

There's A God On The Mic

This is not a matter of hubris. I'm not talking about me.

For once.

"There's A God On The Mic" is the name of Kool Mo Dee's new book. It's subtitled "The True 50 Greatest MCs" and, much as you might imagine with that sub-title, his treatise details the 50 MCs who have, in Kool Mo's opinion, achieved the pinnacles of greatness in the rap game. He's established seventeen categories in which MCs should be evaluated and assigned them a score between zero and one hundred for each one. A completely incompetent MC would get zero points. A perfect MC would get 1700 points. (None do, but "no one's perfect" as the adage goes)

The categories are as follows:

• Originality - Did the MC bring anything new to the game? This category is weighted toward the older guys. While it's possible to find unexplored territory now, a lot of ground has already been covered. It was simply easier for the pioneers to do original things.

• Concepts - Does the MC build something with over-arching artistic merit or does he just throw a bunch of stuff together? For example, does the MC make albums that gel and tell a story or can you hit "shuffle" on your CD player and get the same experience as playing it straight through? Apply this on a song and career level too and you've got the category down.

• Versatility - Can the MC work with different musical styles, different tempos, different subjects, different flows, different rhyme styles, etc?

• Vocabulary - Does the MC use words that send you scrambling to your dictionary? Or at least use words that demonstrate he owns one? Often the arsenal is being gauged as much as the percentage of ordnance brought to bear.

• Substance - Does the MC talk about more than bitches, guns, money, partying and puffery? You get some points for "telling it like it is", but you get more for offering solutions.

• Flow - Does the MC have a smooth delivery and ride syncopations well? This one favors the newer MCs somewhat. According to Kool Mo, Rakim invented flow so anyone who came before the "The R" gets docked a few points in this category.

• Flavor - Does the MC play with his voice? Does he use inflections and different vocal "characters" or does he employ a monotone?

• Freestyle Ability - Can the MC recite rhymes spontaneously on any given subject? Are the lines meaningful or do they just have harmonious words at the end? This category favors the newer guys since the older guys didn't freestyle in the same manner.

• Vocal Presence - Is the MC's voice recognizable when their new song comes on the radio? This category is all about how the MC projects or "cuts to tape", as Moe says.

• Live Performance - Can the MC rock a party, club, or arena? Can he do it without a hit record doing the heavy lifting? Can he do it alone or does he need a stage full of hype men?

• Poetic Value - Is the MC just spewing words that rhyme or his there a higher value to them? If the MC knows his way around a metaphor or, better yet, produce metaphors with profundity he'll score well here.

• Body Of Work - How much has the MC produced and how good was it? The older guys who were in the game before recorded Hiphop lose points here.

• Industry Impact - Did the MC win any awards? Get any nominations? Was he present on the radio? This category is a sop to the pop rappers since the underground rappers who fly below the industry radar aren't going to be well-represented here.

• Social Impact - Did the MC make an attempt to better the community, country and/or world? Did he make an impact on or change the culture?

• Longevity - How long has the MC been around? At 10 points per year (up to 100), this is the only category that has objective standards. You can argue with how long some people's careers really lasted, but it's still the least subjective category.

• Lyrics - How good are the MC's lyrics? If you strip away the production, the image and the performance, can you sit down with a copy of the lyrics and be impressed by what you're reading?

• Battle Skills - Can the MC bring it in a battle? Can he be witty and entertaining while skillfully insulting his opponent? Extra points are awarded for being able to stick to "MC skills" versus "MC skills" rapping. Points are deducted for using threats to rape the other MC's dog or kill his mother as a crutch.

Let me start the middle of this review by saying that I've been a fan of Kool Mo Dee's since he was Kool Moe Dee. He's one of my Hiphop heroes - a veritable legend in the pantheon of MCs. He's one of the greats, but don't just take my word for it - take his. He's never been shy about extolling his own greatness. Repeatedly. In fact, he's placed himself at number five on his list. Now, I won't (can't, really) dispute his worthiness to inhabit the upper echelons of the list, but a bigger man might have recused himself from doling out his own points. Maybe that's too much to expect from the world's greatest braggadocio rapper. Regardless, it's forgivable.

There many good things to be said about this book. It's nice to have someone from inside the culture analyzing the culture as opposed to a journalist who merely observes the culture. Intermingled in the analysis of the individual MCs are many fascinating nuggets of Hiphop history. Further, Mo Dee's insights on rapping and battling pervade the book and provide instruction to aspiring MCs. (yes, now I'm talking about me)

As with any book of this nature, the rankings are going to be controversial and subject to debate. The categorical framework and points provide a nice veneer of objectivity, but the individual rankings still smack of subjectivity. For example, I noted above that "Longevity" was the most objective category, but the beginning and ending marks of a career can be blurry. Chuck D was given an 85 for longevity. That's 8.5 years. By what count? "Yo! Bum Rush The Show" came out in 1987 and Public Enemy was very active until 1994's "Muse Sick-N-Hour Mess Age". That's 70. Does Chuck really only deserve 15 longevity points for 1996's "Autobiography of Mistachuck" (a solo album), 1998's "He Got Game" (with PE), 1999's "There's A Poison Goin' On" (with PE), 2000's "Objects In Mirror Are Closer Than They Appear" (with Confrontation Camp), 2002's "Revolverlution" (with PE), and 2003's "We Are Gathered Here" (with Fine Arts Militia)? That looks like a 100 to me. Granting the extra 15 points (85 to 100) only moves him up two places on the list but it does make me wonder about some of the judgment calls on the more subjective categories for the (many) MCs with whom I had less familiarity.

Another flaw that I perceived was KMD's reluctance to give anyone a low score. I think there was one score below 50 in the entire book and that was Big Pun's longevity score (he died prematurely). In fact, any score below 60 was extremely rare. Now, that's not necessarily a problem since we are talking about the 50 greatest MCs, but one has to wonder. Freestyling was not a priority of old school rappers and many of them just didn't do it. Still, they received 50-70 points, sometimes just on Dee's suspicion that they could do it. Isn't this the Hiphop equivalent of grade inflation? If an MC doesn't freestyle shouldn't they get a zero? (I wish I had some teachers in school who said "Well, he could have done the homework flawlessly so I'll give him an A+ even though he didn't turn it in.") Some of the MCs haven't been tested in battle and yet they still scored 60-70. Why? Perhaps the rankings are inconsistent. Perhaps the scoring rationale were poorly explained. Perhaps it comes down to the fact that behind the facade of numerical precision, ranking MCs is still mostly a matter of gut-feeling and guesswork.

I have three minor quibbles. First, I don't see an editor listed - and it shows. There are grammar, spelling and punctuation problems and some of the lyrics are misquoted. (He even misquotes his own lyrics!) Second, a table of contents would have made the book easier to navigate. A list of the miscellaneous lists used to fill out otherwise empty pages throughout the book would have been helpful also. Third, in the convenience category, a spreadsheet-like table in the back where each MC was listed along with his/her scores would have been a nice feature. None of these things are enough to withhold my recommendation, but they're annoying enough to be worthy of mention.

I lied. I have one more quibble. I was disappointed with his choice to leave out some of the newer MCs on the basis that they would lose too many points in the longevity category to rank them fairly. I would have preferred that they be included with an admonition that they would likely be ranked higher in the years to come. Even down a few points for longevity, I'm pretty sure Eminem (to name one example) would have done quite well.

I enjoyed reading this book and can heartily recommend it to anyone who is more than a casual fan of Hiphop. Kool Mo has been in the game since 1977 and has a much better perspective on who's who than the talking heads on MTV and VH1 who stack their "Best MC" decks with who's hot at the moment. For my money, I'll take the opinion of a Hiphop pioneer and legend over corporate America's any day.

I look forward to his upcoming companion volume on the 50 greatest Hiphop groups.

That's all for now. Happy holidays. Drink a milkshake on New Year's Eve. It's better than any champagne. Seeya next year.

D.I. Prime has left the building,
D.I. Prime
Friday, December 19, 2003